Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your words reveal your heart.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.