Before You Hit Send

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.