Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We are equal but we are not the same.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.