The Love and Respect Devotional

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your words reveal your heart.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.