The Language of Love & Respect

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.